Saturday, 19th April, 2003 10:03:56pm

Name or Alias: Michael Tilse
Training and/or processing level: Clear
Org or location: AOLA
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: 27 Years

Recommended Website – Scientology and the IRS
1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?
Comm Course

2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
Bettered ability to communicate, spiritual abilities

3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?
Problems having a purpose, family problems

4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn’t seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
yes

5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?
Kept hoping that it would all sort out, that I could go ‘OT’

6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to ‘help out’?
Both. Sea Org

7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a “final straw”?
Found out the facts of Hubbard’s death.

8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?
Yes.

9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?
I cannot conceive how it could be corrected, in a practical sense. It would take a massive effort to remove all the existing corporations, management structure and re-validate ALL the writings and tapes against authenticated originals, then re-issue them.

I simply do not think it can be done until the current structure is left unsupported by the field

10. Any additional comments you would like to make?

Doubt formula of Michael Leonard Tilse

19 April 2003

Dear Friends,

I have had my troubles over the years and I need you to read this sincere statement of opinion and belief written with trust in the creed of the church and the philosophy written by L. Ron Hubbard:

I have been frozen in the midst of an uncertainty since the early 1990s. This acute doubt came about because I thought I had observed within the Church of Scientology a refusal to apply standard policies about justice that were written by the author L. Ron Hubbard. These observations occurred during an effort to put ethics in on a former employer and Church member who committed a crime and suppressive act against me. These events seemed so contrary to what I had studied when I was in the Sea Org and on various courses composed of L. Ron Hubbard’s policy writings that I became despondent and upset.

Being in this doubt condition I sought answers to how these things could have occurred and answers to questions about other events related to L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology that did not make sense to me.

I tried to resolve these questions and my condition of doubt over the years and I paid for and received over 25 intensives of Sec Checks, FPRD and PTS Rundown counseling at AOLA in trying handle any personal issues that were making it persist. I was also trying to get onto L. Ron Hubbard’s advanced counseling levels.

I have come to realize that I have never actually resolved the doubt condition and that all my Church counseling and training, including much of the KTL and Life Orientation Courses, was done while I was in an unhandled lower condition of doubt despite myself having tried sincerely to find out the answers. So I have addressed it. Read the rest of this entry »

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Письмо Светки

Что поделать, мой любимый?
Мы не встретились.
Разминулись — как ни странно, как ни жаль.
Словно девочка на шаре, на планете я
Равновесие пытаюсь удержать.

Балансирую по жизни в одиночестве,
Только воздух под ладонями дрожит…
В окружении фантазий, дни и ночи я
Опираюсь на былого миражи.

На конверте нет ни адреса, ни имени,
Я пишу тебе признание в любви -
В Неизвестность, Незнакомцу:
«Забери меня,
От реальности унылой оторви,
От постылой пустоты души и тела…
Нету сил моих, любимый, отзовись!»

…Нет ответа. И не будет. Что поделать?
Мы не встретились.
Тропинки не сошлись.


Я приглашаю всех одиноких саентологов, кто ищет родственную душу, на новый сайт знакомств – “Встреча с Родственной Душой”, который только что открылся. Я давно хотела создать такой сайт для саентологов, и наконец-то начала осуществлять свою мечту. Прошу Вас поддержать это доброе начинание.

На первых порах могут возникать шероховатости с использованием сайта, о которых прошу Вас мне сообщать, чтобы я могла внести исправления. Любые предложения и замечания помогут в улучшении дизайна и работы сайта.

На первой странице расположены ссылки, которые помогут ориентироваться и подскажут последовательность действий. C любыми вопросами по сайту обращайтесь ко мне, я буду только рада помочь.

Перешлите, пожалуйста, это приглашение своим друзьям!

Добро Пожаловать и спасибо за поддержку! :)

Татьяна Бакланова (Svetka),
Веб-Администратор.
http://vstrecha.svetkidoma.net

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Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.

Visit Misha’s website: Thetawrite
http://thetawrite.com/


Russian version can be found on I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE website:
http://icanchangemylife.info

The Program

Day One: Among other vitamins I took B3 (Niacin) – 100 mg. Almost immediately felt a light burning sensation around my nose and forehead. In five minutes, having changed into my exercise clothing, started jogging but quickly ran out of breath and changed pace to fast walking. The heart rate came down to 110 and stayed in that range till the end of my exercise period. The total time of walking was 30 minutes. The light sensation of burning on my face stopped about 10 minutes into the exercise period. I started sweating profusely during the exercise period. Then—sauna. The temperature was set at 70°С (158°F). The first 15 minutes at the sauna went fast as I was talking to my wife, my Program partner. Then 7 minutes of cool-down and a cold shower and back to the sauna where I immediately felt that I was so tired that I wanted to lay down. The sense of exhaustion did not leave me for the duration of the entire session. I spent a total of 3 hours in the sauna.

Several Subsequent Days were very similar to the first day although the niacin dosage was increasing and the intake of other vitamins was increasing accordingly.

Day Five: After about three hours I was no longer interested in sitting in the sauna and continuing with the program as I did not see any results or changes in my body. I was bored. I even thought I was wasting my time. I reported this to the Supervisor (a specialist who leads you through the program).

Day Six: Niacin was increased to 1200mg with other vitamins following the lead. And here it all started! I barely gulped down my handful of vitamins when I felt strong burning on my face and neck and noticed that my extremities turned red as if scolded. To be honest I got a bit scared. In the evening, already at home, noticed that my arms from elbow down were still red. They were also itching. Read the rest of this entry »

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admin on February 13th, 2011

Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.

Visit Misha’s website: Thetawrite
http://thetawrite.com/


Russian version can be found on I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE website:
http://icanchangemylife.info

Search for answers

Sergej Terpenev

In the US my drinking binges came in succession about 4-5 months apart. And between binges I habitually lied to myself and everybody else that the previous binge was the last ever. Telling you this right now, after 3 years of sobriety, the entire sordid lifestyle and lies seem ludicrous. I am not going to bore you with all the romantic details of my life from hangover to hangover. It suffices to mention that I was hospitalized twice, each time for just one night. They’d kick me out in the morning, detoxified with some kind of IV and pumped with pills that seemed to make my legs freeze so I couldn’t even make it to the bathroom unassisted. They also charged me over $2000 for each of my hospital stays. As fog would eventually clear from my head, I’d realize once again that drinking mouthwash just set me back financially more than if I’d been drinking very expensive collectors wines.

You could always work more and earn more money but where are you going to get the health needed to work?! That is the question! I will tell you a secret: I am very lucky in life since I am still alive despite all the poison I consumed.

And I lucked out once again—I met a Russian doctor, a psychiatrist, also from Moscow. Our conversation was private so I will not disclose his name here. My new friend told me straight as a reply to my inquiries as to the methods of treatment, “Sergey, open your eyes. Alcoholism is incurable. Do you know why? Because it is not an illness, it is a dependency. There is no medical way to cure this condition. Intro-venous injections, cleansings and abstersions, pills and death threats do not rid a person of his addiction, they simply cause a remission. Therefore, if we consider alcoholism an illness, you will be stuck with treating it for the rest of your life.”

That wise and, to me, honest doctor advised me to try a lemon therapy, which supposedly reduced alcohol dependency. He did mention in passing, however, that we should check my stomach and health in general before we start such an abrasive therapy—just to avoid any adverse consequences. I replied sadly, “Alex, what are you talking about? What consequences? I drank everything, including glue. Don’t worry! A lemon diet to my stomach after everything it’s been through is gentle like a diet!”

Read the rest of this entry »

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Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.

Visit Misha’s website: Thetawrite
http://thetawrite.com/


Russian version can be found on I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE website:
http://icanchangemylife.info

Journey through Hell… and doctors’ offices

Greetings, dear friends! My name is Sergey Terpenev. Although not anonymous, but I am an alcoholic with extensive experience. I started drinking systematically at the age of 25. Being 57 now and minus 3 years of sobriety, the result is close to 30 years of alcoholism. The hangovers for the last 10-12 years were so bad that in order not to kick the bucket I drank practically anything with any alcohol content, including mouthwash.

The medical term for this condition is the “withdrawal syndrome,” it can be very painful, sometimes deadly. I have experienced the symptoms many times: intense sweating, fever, depression, ungrounded fears, vomiting—with practically no substance, just bile—hallucinations, affecting both hearing and sight, alcohol-induced coma, heart failure. And a couple of additional symptoms, too embarrassing to mention here or even to remember.

Practically all alcoholics who truly crossed the line of dependency go through this ugliness. Quite in addition to our personal experiences, imagine the Hell we put our loved ones through when they have to see us in such condition. And so it goes from one drinking binge to the next. It is fascinating that a few days after a binge we, the alcoholics, would swear on the mother’s grave that we’d never again as much as sniff, not to mention touch, this poison. We’d insist with absolute conviction that we passionately hate alcohol or even that actually none of this ever even happened.

So what is going on with our mind, body and soul? What is forcing us to start drinking again every time?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Howard B. Dickman on January 30th, 2011

My name is Howard Dickman and I was one of the original members of the RPF on the Scientology Sea Org ship, the Excalibur; this is my story.  But first some background information.

After high school I joined the U.S. Navy and by early 1972 I was at boot camp in San Diego.  I was a student at the navy anti-submarine warfare base wandering around the streets of San Diego in August of 1972, when a young lady (Maureen Turner, I believe her name was) handed me a promotional piece advertising free personality testing.

I followed her to Carl Barney’s Scientology Mission on 10th Avenue and took the test.  I enrolled onto the communication course and also bought “Dianetics, the Modern Science of Mental Health”.  After completing the communication course I started the HQS Course, which was superbly supervised by Dick Coanda.

I graduated from the HQS Course on the 28th of December 1972 and signed a five year staff contract with the Mission.  That next February the Church of Scientology La Jolla and the Mission merged to become the Church of Scientology San Diego.  This is when I first met the incomparable Yvonne Gillham Jentzsch.   Mere words cannot describe what a truly wonderful person she was!

The Sea Org ship, Excalibur, sailed into San Diego for our grand opening.  What a beautiful white ship it was!  A lovely lady, whose first name was Kenda, was one of the ship’s crew members.  Wow, I thought, if this is what it’s like to be a Sea Org member where do I sign up?  On May 18th I was honorably discharged from the Navy, at which time I went to work full time at the Org.  Read the rest of this entry »

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Here is a copy of a letter I’ve written to COB. I hope it helps you cognite. But what you do afterwards is entirely up to you, as it should be.

Best,

Luis Garcia (was COS public)

Mr. David Miscavige, COB RTC <———– November 6th, 2010

____________ _________ _________ _________

Luis A. Garcia, Public Scientologist

Mr. Miscavige,

My name is Luis Garcia. I became a member of the Church of Scientology in 1982 at Orange County, CA. From the very first moment I developed an intense interest in reading, studying learning and applying the teachings of Mr. L. Ron Hubbard. I wanted to go up The Bridge, and I wanted to help others do so as well.

Throughout the years, I have taken many courses and received much auditing, becoming an interned Class IV auditor, a Gold Seal Ethics Specialist, a graduate of the PTS/SP course, and also completed the Basics Book and Lectures among numerous other courses. I am New OT VIII, a Patron of the IAS, a Founding Member of Super Power, a Gold Humanitarian of the Orange County Org, a Supporter of ASI and a contributor to many other Orgs, libraries, causes and projects.

I have learned much and I have had great gains from my involvement with Scientology. I have the utmost respect and gratitude to LRH, and to all the staff across the globe that selflessly dedicate their lives to help others, and the many devoted public who have helped so much.

I am first and foremost a Scientologist; i.e.: “one who betters the conditions of himself and the conditions of others by using Scientology technology.” – LRH, Aud 73.

I have made it a practice to adopt stable datums as I learned them in Scientology and found them to be workable and true. One of these key stable datums I adopted early on from The Code of Honor, is “Never compromise with your own reality.”
Read the rest of this entry »

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Starting with just one person, it can be found, that with auditing improvement can occur, with out trying to over come unwanted conditions, but rather thru understanding how the condition came to be. Or, by ising the condition, which is another way of saying fully acknowledge the condition ( its isness), which is requisite to causing it to vanish ( as-isness). Closely related as a method for handling unwanted conditions is thru the use of admiration, whose absence, alone, causes unwanted conditions to persist.

On examination of peoples cases, you will find that much, perhaps all of what folks want to get rid of, or change, are there in large part because the person has indulged, in each instance, in not-isness, ( trying to force something to cease to exist,) just the opposite of , isness( granting of beingness ) and admiration.

Now we get to the World . I would sponsor the the idea that Ariiane and others would get more result in their efforts to postulate or pray or hope for a better World by a mass effort, across the face of our Globe, to project admiration, acknowledgment, granting of beingness, etc etc to the World and its peoples, for being exactly the way it is, in all repects, including all that is considered wrong, or evil, bad, destructive , harmful, awful, etc, etc, etc.

Even including but not limited to the poor Church of Scientology and its mad Dictator.

This approach avoids describing anything in terms of Un-Wanted! That is called not ising an existing conditions and leads to worsening and persistence.

So Don’t start out with a list of what’s wrong with your World, instead start out with the vow to admire your world just as it is and continue to do so because A, it will be good for you, and that chronic condition of protest, and B, it will give the world, your world, a chance to change. Even the C of $.

This is a much better approach to your own life than self auditing, since it has no liability connected with it. Just give it a try with any thing or anyone about you that you find to fall in the unwanted, or wish it would go away or worse category, and start admiring , or acking or granting beingness and you’ll see change. Change in yourself and the other.

Thanks,
Love and best wishes,
Phil

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admin on October 16th, 2010

There are Scientologists – OTs and highly trained auditors who do not audit sitting on a failed purpose charge. I think that to revitalize the original purpose of Scientology we can apply a rehab tech. All we need to do is to find a moment of change, a making break point and indicate it. The moment when Ron and Church diverged from true Scientology ending up moving the other and then in opposite direction. I think I see when and how it happened.

Ron had a big goal in mind that he urged to reach. But at some point, somewhere when he wrote (was it a Bulletin?) that we have to build a new world with people that he compared to a broken straws (?) Ron went into agreement with a thought that lowed the standard level of ability expected. I think he felt that he was running out of time and having to act in a group and to delegate responsibility to those he didn’t fully trust (broken straw), he still wanted to get the job done somehow, anyhow. And that was when he started to cope with situation instead of handling it. And church went on coping – fixing things by any means instead of handling. Shortcuts…

I am talking about Justice taking place of Ethics.

Justice could be used as a temporary solution in an absence of Ethics, but it is a dead end way if applied permanently. It is not a Scientology way to go. It is like a wrong dosage of medicine can turn it into a poison.

We should return back to the moment when things were going right and pick up from there. I suggest we learn and teach to apply a true Ethics. It was supposed to be delivered by auditors. Why? Because it was not a punishment (justice action) that it had became in the church, but a process where ability was gained, new awareness level reached, theta was freed.
Mary Freeman – Class 8 Auditor trained and certified by LRH personally, (website “Planet Freeman“) specializes in delivering such true Ethics. She regards the lower conditions as ones that address beingness, from liability up through non-ex, emergency and danger as handling doingness and normal and up – where you deal with product as havingness. She has a different approach and her Ethics program routinely creates miracles of life changing results, as it should be when true scientology is applied.

At least the spotting and understanding the moment of diverging should bring a relief to some of us who suffer from the failed purpose.

(This article was written by me as a comment, and posted originally on the Marty’s Rasbun blog http://markrathbun.wordpress.com/about/. I have copied replies from there into following commentaries.)

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admin on October 9th, 2010

I stay with my truth that a war – any war – can not be won by defeating the enemy. That is not a victory in a whole sense of it.

Justis is not a handling, it is a temporary coping with a situation in an absence of Ethics.

In view that “the war” is fought not between “good” and “bad” individuals, but on a bigger picture it is a Theta – enTheta confrontation, from this view point the only true victory will be dis-enturbulating enTheta and converting it back into Theta.

Do you really think it can be done by criticizing, evaluating or making somebody wrong? Even if they are wrong, or especially when they are wrong?

What does LRH say about handling the low-toned people? The lower they are, the higher the auditor should be. Thus you do not handle anger with anger, or 1.1 with anger etc. This way we all lose and the whole ship may sink.

We should stop fighting, no matter who first started that fight, because we will not win through the fight – non of us will win.

We can only win for real with LOVE.

The position on the tone scale is determined by proportion of theta – entheta. So if we want to handle DM for good all we need to do is to move him up tone. He is one of us, us all living on this planet. We are the group. And we can raise a group tone level.

If DM doesn’t go in session, we can use other tools described in the Book One – Dianetics. What else do we have  in our tools(!) (not weapons!) arsenal besides auditing? Ethics in, Training, Non re-stimulative (THETA) environment, and LOVE.

I wonder, what would happen if we all find something in DM that we can honestly respect, truly like, admire or love. What if we all send him our affinity? How is it going to change him, us and the whole world?

We also know, that enTheta will dis-enturbulate in the presence of greater amount of Theta. And this is also a tool that we can use. We can create a theta bank – that unlike a bank of engrams, it will contain THETA.
We can do it on the Internet placing there Theta messages, collecting them in one place or on the different, but linked together websites. I should say we can reflect it, represent it on the Internet, but it’s actual existence will be in the THETA universe. We do not really need to confront the bodies in order to improve the conditions of thetans. We do not need to break apart and empty the churches in order to fix them and to fill in again. The reformation can and should be done with a very light touch. The heavier the mess – the lighter the touch.

Lets create a group that is bounded together by common purpose to improve conditions in own and lives of others using scientology and by SHARING THETA! We have to make us all REAL to each other by creating and collecting video-interviews introducing ourselves as Scientologists and showing the true Scientology products. We have to stay in COMMUNICATION by posting and acknowledging Scientology wins and successes, by coming to the conventions. But let’s keep our websites and comm-lines clear from enTheta. By doing this we will raise the AFFINITY so high, that people in the church will come to UNDERSTAND what is been missing in the church. So, if you feel like OUT-FLOWING THETA, welcome to the Success Stories, Wins and Testimonials website! http://community.freezone-tech.info/success/– comment and post! Lets collect all that pleasure moments!

It all may seem naive, but that is what I believe in and what I support to the best of my abilities.

If you are willing to record and add your video to my collection on http://youtube.com/svetka812 – upload your video to youtube and send me a link. If you like me to register you on the Success website (link above) that enables you to post your wins there – just drop me a line here in comments (You do not need to register in order to comment).

With Love and Hope,
Tatiana Baklanova.

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On December 10, 1948 the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the

Universal Declaration of Human Rights:

"18. Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience, and religion, and this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief and freedom to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance."

Disclaimer: This website is NOT connected to the Church of Scientology, nor their senior corporations, the RTC and CST. What is presented here should not reflect on their organization; I am not a recognized member of those groups. Tatiana Baklanova.