Dear friends and fellow Scientologists,
Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been too active or visible at OTC meetings, OT Ambassador activities (I have been an OT Ambassador since 1995), Int Events, Ideal Org fund raising meetings, Ideal Org openings, etc. over the past many months. I haven’t been back to Flag for about a year.
Some of you may have wondered what’s happened. Well, the truth is, I have been wondering that myself. I have pondered this and even concluded that my withdraw must be caused by my own overts and withholds. I’ve originated this to Tech Terminals at Flag, D of P, Flag MAA, to my FSM and even to close friends (that I must have O/Ws causing withdraw). I have been in session at Flag several times over the past year or two and in metered interviews with MAA. I have also written up OWs. Still, I found myself not really reaching or wanting to participate in these church activities including my own Bridge progress. (And yes, I did complete The Basics about 4 years ago and had good wins).
There just seemed to be these nagging considerations of outpoints that would not as-is, go away. As of this date, my Ethics File at Flag is very empty with the exception of many dozens of Commendations as an OT Ambassador for 17 yrs., Power FSM and Front Lines Disseminator in the WISE Sector for the past 29 years. I’m not saying here that I am some perfect little angel, but those of you who know me, know that I have been an unwavering, staunch supporter and defender of our church, Scientology and LRH for 35 years.
Why am I communicating to you?
“We of the Church believe … that all men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely, to write freely their own opinions and to counter or utter or write upon the opinion of others…” The Creed of the Church of Scientology, 1954. Read the rest of this entry »
Here is a new Independent Scientology website for you to visit (with old but still valid info on it). You are invited to participate if you feel like contributing in the form of comments, photos, articles etc. If you disagree, then you are not invited to destroy.
This website is an identity reconstruction of left for good from Scientology lines well known Auditor and Case Supervisor David Mayo. I am creating this site without David Mayo’s knowledge or consent. This is my own (TB) decision to exercise my right of free speech. I came to it after receiving a numerous communications that would try to crash my reality on how I do perceive David and convince me otherwise. I invite anybody who knew David Mayo in person through working with him, please to share your memories on this website, so we have David Mayo present amongst us in a digital form, as a reflection of our knowledge.
Therefore, let’s find out: What Do We Know?
Saturday, 19th April, 2003 10:03:56pm
Name or Alias: Michael Tilse
Training and/or processing level: Clear
Org or location: AOLA
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: 27 Years
Recommended Website – Scientology and the IRS
1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?
2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
Bettered ability to communicate, spiritual abilities
3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?
Problems having a purpose, family problems
4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn’t seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?
Kept hoping that it would all sort out, that I could go ‘OT’
6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to ‘help out’?
Both. Sea Org
7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a “final straw”?
Found out the facts of Hubbard’s death.
8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?
9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?
I cannot conceive how it could be corrected, in a practical sense. It would take a massive effort to remove all the existing corporations, management structure and re-validate ALL the writings and tapes against authenticated originals, then re-issue them.
I simply do not think it can be done until the current structure is left unsupported by the field
10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
Doubt formula of Michael Leonard Tilse
19 April 2003
I have had my troubles over the years and I need you to read this sincere statement of opinion and belief written with trust in the creed of the church and the philosophy written by L. Ron Hubbard:
I have been frozen in the midst of an uncertainty since the early 1990s. This acute doubt came about because I thought I had observed within the Church of Scientology a refusal to apply standard policies about justice that were written by the author L. Ron Hubbard. These observations occurred during an effort to put ethics in on a former employer and Church member who committed a crime and suppressive act against me. These events seemed so contrary to what I had studied when I was in the Sea Org and on various courses composed of L. Ron Hubbard’s policy writings that I became despondent and upset.
Being in this doubt condition I sought answers to how these things could have occurred and answers to questions about other events related to L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology that did not make sense to me.
I tried to resolve these questions and my condition of doubt over the years and I paid for and received over 25 intensives of Sec Checks, FPRD and PTS Rundown counseling at AOLA in trying handle any personal issues that were making it persist. I was also trying to get onto L. Ron Hubbard’s advanced counseling levels.
I have come to realize that I have never actually resolved the doubt condition and that all my Church counseling and training, including much of the KTL and Life Orientation Courses, was done while I was in an unhandled lower condition of doubt despite myself having tried sincerely to find out the answers. So I have addressed it. Read the rest of this entry »
Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.
Day One: Among other vitamins I took B3 (Niacin) – 100 mg. Almost immediately felt a light burning sensation around my nose and forehead. In five minutes, having changed into my exercise clothing, started jogging but quickly ran out of breath and changed pace to fast walking. The heart rate came down to 110 and stayed in that range till the end of my exercise period. The total time of walking was 30 minutes. The light sensation of burning on my face stopped about 10 minutes into the exercise period. I started sweating profusely during the exercise period. Then—sauna. The temperature was set at 70°С (158°F). The first 15 minutes at the sauna went fast as I was talking to my wife, my Program partner. Then 7 minutes of cool-down and a cold shower and back to the sauna where I immediately felt that I was so tired that I wanted to lay down. The sense of exhaustion did not leave me for the duration of the entire session. I spent a total of 3 hours in the sauna.
Several Subsequent Days were very similar to the first day although the niacin dosage was increasing and the intake of other vitamins was increasing accordingly.
Day Five: After about three hours I was no longer interested in sitting in the sauna and continuing with the program as I did not see any results or changes in my body. I was bored. I even thought I was wasting my time. I reported this to the Supervisor (a specialist who leads you through the program).
Day Six: Niacin was increased to 1200mg with other vitamins following the lead. And here it all started! I barely gulped down my handful of vitamins when I felt strong burning on my face and neck and noticed that my extremities turned red as if scolded. To be honest I got a bit scared. In the evening, already at home, noticed that my arms from elbow down were still red. They were also itching. Read the rest of this entry »
Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.
Search for answers
In the US my drinking binges came in succession about 4-5 months apart. And between binges I habitually lied to myself and everybody else that the previous binge was the last ever. Telling you this right now, after 3 years of sobriety, the entire sordid lifestyle and lies seem ludicrous. I am not going to bore you with all the romantic details of my life from hangover to hangover. It suffices to mention that I was hospitalized twice, each time for just one night. They’d kick me out in the morning, detoxified with some kind of IV and pumped with pills that seemed to make my legs freeze so I couldn’t even make it to the bathroom unassisted. They also charged me over $2000 for each of my hospital stays. As fog would eventually clear from my head, I’d realize once again that drinking mouthwash just set me back financially more than if I’d been drinking very expensive collectors wines.
You could always work more and earn more money but where are you going to get the health needed to work?! That is the question! I will tell you a secret: I am very lucky in life since I am still alive despite all the poison I consumed.
And I lucked out once again—I met a Russian doctor, a psychiatrist, also from Moscow. Our conversation was private so I will not disclose his name here. My new friend told me straight as a reply to my inquiries as to the methods of treatment, “Sergey, open your eyes. Alcoholism is incurable. Do you know why? Because it is not an illness, it is a dependency. There is no medical way to cure this condition. Intro-venous injections, cleansings and abstersions, pills and death threats do not rid a person of his addiction, they simply cause a remission. Therefore, if we consider alcoholism an illness, you will be stuck with treating it for the rest of your life.”
That wise and, to me, honest doctor advised me to try a lemon therapy, which supposedly reduced alcohol dependency. He did mention in passing, however, that we should check my stomach and health in general before we start such an abrasive therapy—just to avoid any adverse consequences. I replied sadly, “Alex, what are you talking about? What consequences? I drank everything, including glue. Don’t worry! A lemon diet to my stomach after everything it’s been through is gentle like a diet!”
Special thanks to Misha Priv
for translating this article into English.
Journey through Hell… and doctors’ offices
Greetings, dear friends! My name is Sergey Terpenev. Although not anonymous, but I am an alcoholic with extensive experience. I started drinking systematically at the age of 25. Being 57 now and minus 3 years of sobriety, the result is close to 30 years of alcoholism. The hangovers for the last 10-12 years were so bad that in order not to kick the bucket I drank practically anything with any alcohol content, including mouthwash.
The medical term for this condition is the “withdrawal syndrome,” it can be very painful, sometimes deadly. I have experienced the symptoms many times: intense sweating, fever, depression, ungrounded fears, vomiting—with practically no substance, just bile—hallucinations, affecting both hearing and sight, alcohol-induced coma, heart failure. And a couple of additional symptoms, too embarrassing to mention here or even to remember.
Practically all alcoholics who truly crossed the line of dependency go through this ugliness. Quite in addition to our personal experiences, imagine the Hell we put our loved ones through when they have to see us in such condition. And so it goes from one drinking binge to the next. It is fascinating that a few days after a binge we, the alcoholics, would swear on the mother’s grave that we’d never again as much as sniff, not to mention touch, this poison. We’d insist with absolute conviction that we passionately hate alcohol or even that actually none of this ever even happened.
So what is going on with our mind, body and soul? What is forcing us to start drinking again every time?
My name is Howard Dickman and I was one of the original members of the RPF on the Scientology Sea Org ship, the Excalibur; this is my story. But first some background information.
After high school I joined the U.S. Navy and by early 1972 I was at boot camp in San Diego. I was a student at the navy anti-submarine warfare base wandering around the streets of San Diego in August of 1972, when a young lady (Maureen Turner, I believe her name was) handed me a promotional piece advertising free personality testing.
I followed her to Carl Barney’s Scientology Mission on 10th Avenue and took the test. I enrolled onto the communication course and also bought “Dianetics, the Modern Science of Mental Health”. After completing the communication course I started the HQS Course, which was superbly supervised by Dick Coanda.
I graduated from the HQS Course on the 28th of December 1972 and signed a five year staff contract with the Mission. That next February the Church of Scientology La Jolla and the Mission merged to become the Church of Scientology San Diego. This is when I first met the incomparable Yvonne Gillham Jentzsch. Mere words cannot describe what a truly wonderful person she was!
The Sea Org ship, Excalibur, sailed into San Diego for our grand opening. What a beautiful white ship it was! A lovely lady, whose first name was Kenda, was one of the ship’s crew members. Wow, I thought, if this is what it’s like to be a Sea Org member where do I sign up? On May 18th I was honorably discharged from the Navy, at which time I went to work full time at the Org. Read the rest of this entry »
Here is a copy of a letter I’ve written to COB. I hope it helps you cognite. But what you do afterwards is entirely up to you, as it should be.
Luis Garcia (was COS public)
Mr. David Miscavige, COB RTC <———– November 6th, 2010
____________ _________ _________ _________
Luis A. Garcia, Public Scientologist
My name is Luis Garcia. I became a member of the Church of Scientology in 1982 at Orange County, CA. From the very first moment I developed an intense interest in reading, studying learning and applying the teachings of Mr. L. Ron Hubbard. I wanted to go up The Bridge, and I wanted to help others do so as well.
Throughout the years, I have taken many courses and received much auditing, becoming an interned Class IV auditor, a Gold Seal Ethics Specialist, a graduate of the PTS/SP course, and also completed the Basics Book and Lectures among numerous other courses. I am New OT VIII, a Patron of the IAS, a Founding Member of Super Power, a Gold Humanitarian of the Orange County Org, a Supporter of ASI and a contributor to many other Orgs, libraries, causes and projects.
I have learned much and I have had great gains from my involvement with Scientology. I have the utmost respect and gratitude to LRH, and to all the staff across the globe that selflessly dedicate their lives to help others, and the many devoted public who have helped so much.
I am first and foremost a Scientologist; i.e.: “one who betters the conditions of himself and the conditions of others by using Scientology technology.” – LRH, Aud 73.
I have made it a practice to adopt stable datums as I learned them in Scientology and found them to be workable and true. One of these key stable datums I adopted early on from The Code of Honor, is “Never compromise with your own reality.”
Read the rest of this entry »